I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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