Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
