just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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