then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
