I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
