You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
