Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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