Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
barbara walters just said penis...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
