She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
