i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
