the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
