Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
