his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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