I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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