i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
