she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
