my being single is dangerous.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
