just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
