shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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