Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
