I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
40s are totally the cure
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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