dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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