I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
