like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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