I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
