You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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