you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You are a genius and a whore.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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