So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Me too!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he fucked my hip out of place.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
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She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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