At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
