She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
