If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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