no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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