I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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