I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
