Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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