a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
