You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
