just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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