Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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