his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
