You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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