Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
