Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
