we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
