Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
