His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
