We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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