Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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