I seem to have left my pride at pride
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
