The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
