we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
