I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
