lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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