I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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