Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize