Me. At least after what I've been through.
This girl is more easily done than said...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
