His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
