flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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